Feelings and Needs ~ Word Lists

I refer to feelings and needs in many of my blog posts. Our common use of language tends to transpose labels and criticisms where we could more effectively use true feeling and need words.

There are 4 separate lists below:

1. Needs 

2. Examples of Needs with corresponding Feelings 

3. Feelings when Needs do get met

4. Feelings when Needs don’t get met 

We generally feel ‘good’ when our needs are getting met, and ‘bad’ when they’re not getting met. I have a lot more to say about this in my blogs, and in more blogs to come. 

These lists don’t include all feeling and need words, but will help you to choose words that are non-polarizing and non-blaming – of yourself or the other person.

All people throughout time have had the same needs ~ this is different from having desires. Every need will not be met all the time, but we won’t feel whole or well if the basic 10 categories of needs below are totally lacking in our lives.

Need Words:

Intimacy includes:   Empathy, Connection, Affection, Warmth, Love, Understanding, Acceptance, Curiosity, Caring, Bonding, Compassion, Communion, Spirituality, Sexuality

Purpose includes:  Competence, Contribution, Efficiency Growth, Learning, Challenge, Discovery

Partnership includes:  Mutuality, Friendship, Companionship, Support, Collaboration, Belonging, Community, Consideration, Seen/Heard/Felt, Interdependence

 Autonomy includes:  Choice, Freedom, Spontaneity, Independence, Respect, Honor

Celebration includes:  Aliveness, Humor, Beauty, Play, Novelty, Creativity, Mourning

Security includes:  Predictability, Consistency, Stability, Trust, Reassurance

Order includes:  Structure, Clarity, Focus, Information, Predictability

Honesty includes:  Integrity, Authenticity, Wholeness, Fairness, Expression

Peace includes:  Groundedness, Hope, Healing, Harmony, Flow, Quietude, Balance, Presence

Nurturing includes:  Safety, Food/Water, Rest, Sleep, Shelter, Comfort

Listed below are some typical feelings that can result when certain needs are met.

And an example of how we might use them in a sentence~

“When my need for connection is met, I feel fully alive.”

Needs                                      Feelings

Connection   ——————     Alive

Harmony       ——————     Calm

Compassion      —————    Loving                      

Ease   —————————-    Comfortable

Awareness   ——————–   Awake

Understanding   ————–   Secure

Meaning   ————————  Motivation

Growth   ————————-   Expansive

Mastery   ————————   Empowered

Curiosity   ———————–   Open

More Feeling Words ~

when our needs are met:

Excited includes: Enthusiastic, Overjoyed, Fervent, Giddy, Eager, Ecstatic, Thrilled

Healthy includes:  Empowered, Alive, Robust, Thriving

Happy includes:  Delighted, Joyful, Blissful, Fulfilled, Elated, Amused, Adventurous, Satisfied, Content, Cheerful, Comfortable, Pleased

Confident includes:  Secure, Safe, Hopeful

Relaxed includes:  Relieved, Rested, Mellow, At Ease, Light

Peaceful includes:  Tranquil, Serene, Calm

Thankful includes:  Appreciative, Moved, Touched, Tender, Grateful, Expansive

Feelings words ~

when our needs are not met:

Note ~ this is the biggest list! 

Most of us are not used to advocating for our needs in ways that are compassionate toward ourselves and others. These words along with the need words will enable you to do that, once you understand how to use feeling and need words in a full communication.

When we’re uncomfortable ~ emotionally or physically ~ it’s because some need or needs are not being met. When we have some tools to identify how we feel, then we can find the need ~  think of feelings as the smoke alarm and needs as the fire ~ when we can pinpoint the feeling, then we can find the unmet need. Next step is using non-polarizing language to advocate for what we need ~ now we are in a healthy negotiation with our self or someone else ~ and we are likely to solve the issue more easily and quickly.

Afraid includes:   Apprehensive, Foreboding, Mistrustful, Panicked, Wary, Worried, Terrified, Dread

Annoyed includes:   Disgruntled, Dismayed, Exasperated, Frustrated, Impatient, Irritated, Irked

Disconnected includes:   Alienated, Aloof, Apathetic, Bored, Cold, Detached, Distant, Distracted, Indifferent, Numb, Removed, Uninterested, Withdrawn

Confused includes:   Ambivalent, Baffled, Dazed, Hesitant, Lost, Mystified, Torn, Puzzled

Angry includes:  Enraged, Incensed, Indignant, Outraged, Resentful, Irate

Disquiet includes:  Agitated, Alarmed, Disturbed, Perturbed, Rattled, Restless, Shocked, Startled, Surprised, Troubled, Uneasy, Uncomfortable, Unnerved, Turmoil, Unsettled, Upset

Embarrassed includes:  Ashamed, Flustered, Guilty, Mortified, Self-conscious, Unsure

Aversion includes:  Animosity, Contempt, Disgusted, Appalled, Hate, Horrified, Repulsed, Hostile

Fatigue includes:  Burnt Out, Depleted, Exhausted, Lethargic, Listless, Sleepy, Weary, Tired

Pain includes:  Agony, Anguish, Bereaved, Devastated, Grief, Hurt, Lonely, Regretful, Miserable, Remorseful

Sad includes:  Depressed, Dejected, Despair, Despondent, Disappointed, Discouraged, Disheartened, Forlorn, Gloomy, Hopeless, Melancholy, Unhappy, Wretched

Yearning includes:  Envious, Jealous, Longing, Nostalgic, Pining, Wistful, Aching

Tense includes:  Edgy, Fidgety, Distressed, Cranky, Anxious, Distraught, Frazzled, Irritable, Jittery, Nervous, Overwhelmed, Restless, Stressed Out

Vulnerable includes:  Fragile, Guarded, Helpless, Insecure, Leery, Reserved, Sensitive, Shaky

I’d love to know your thoughts after reading this blog post. Please consider emailing me with any feedback you have. And thanks so much for being here!